Are we defined by our insecurities?

Adelle from interviewed me about my thoughts on how we define ourselves based around insecurities.

One of the most troubling questions I have come up against in my life is: Are we defined by our insecurities?

One of the primary things that drives us and motivates us to do things in life is our own deepest personal fears. Much of this however happens beneath our own level of awareness and is a result from dilemmas early on in our life.

As a child you may have been picked on, your parents may not have paid attention to you unless you behaved or acted in a certain way.  It has been said that attention is a currency. Most insecurities therefore are social in nature. Here are some examples of how this works:

  • Sickness – Children whose parents are to busy to pay attention to them, may use illness to get that attention. They learn at a young age, that being sick means love & affection will come their way. Thus they will subconsciously manifest perpetual health ailments to gain support. 
  • Drama – Lack of attention, loneliness & even boredom is the underlying insecurity for many peoples desire to create continual drama to gain attention.
  • Anger/aggression – Ever seen those dudes at bars, that are amped up looking for a fight? Some children learn that the only way people will pay attention to them is if they instigate violence or drama. On a subtle level It is why boys often playfully tease girls.
  • Class Clown – Humor often self-deprecating in nature will sometimes be the default way people use to gain attention.
  • Over-achiever – Children that learn the only time they will get affirmation from their parents is when they are achieving well in academics and sports.
  • Greed – Many people learn that money and wealth will get them attention. Name brand whores, and blingin clothes & accessories will often be used to try to gain attention.
  • Alcoholism/Weed & other dissociative drugs – These are merely coping strategies for people unable to work through uncomfortable emotions and past issues laid down in the nervous system.

Many people who become doctors do so because they had an experience where someone either died or was hurt badly and they felt powerless to help at the time. Insecurities are powerful motivators and will often direct peoples career choices and their entire lifestyle. Every person on the planet has insecurities, how much do your insecurities define you and what you do? Is it our faults that drive us to try and bring abundance from lack? Does it even really work? Or is there still a nagging feeling that it’s just not enough no matter what we may try to accomplish?

The thing is an insecurity will never be solved by doing something. Insecurities only dissolve once we can work through the emotions that underlie them by first becoming aware of them and then delving deep into how uncomfortable they are and replacing them with feelings of positive relaxed outcomes. Somatic therapy is a good way of going about doing this.

Insecurity fundamentally is an emotion. It is an emotion of lack and thus will only ever be resolved or overcome when a person learns to work through those emotions of lack to feelings of abundance.

Most people have lived with their personal insecurities so long and worked so hard to try and alleviate them using whatever method, that their insecurities becomes a integral part of their identity. Insecurities can drive people to do amazing and incredible “good”  things. However is it possible there might be another better, way to do great things?

Which leads me to a bit of a revelation. The issue becomes when we don’t recognize that our ego has so cleverly tricked us into thinking that we are the victim of our very own insecurities! Perhaps instead we are interested in manifesting insecurities for ourselves because we want to grow in a particular area from an emotional perspective.

The emotional feeling of inadequacy is one of the most difficult emotions for us humans to work through. However if let’s say you were interested in learning a skill, inciting such an insecurity temporarily may be one of the best ways to try and motivate yourself to do go about resolving it. From a meta-reincarnational perspective this is why I believe people choose their parents and the environments they are born into. Fundamentally we are gods couched in creature-hood with the primary purpose to learn how to create through personal development.

Insecurities are therefore not and undeniable part of our identity they are temporary roadblocks we put up for ourselves so we can learn an important lesson. It is important we don’t over-identify with our lacks, but realize we brought them about due to an inherent curiosity about how to advance in a certain area.

Case in point. Someone is not interested in health because they are sick, they are interested in sickness  because they are interested in health. The causal relationship is the reverse of how it is normally thought of.

The way this might work is as follows:

  • If you were curious about peace you may manifest violence
  • If you were curious about empowerment you may manifest deprecation
  • If you were curious about energy you may manifest fatigue
  • If you were curious about mobility you may manifest disability
  • If you were curious about abundance you may manifest lack

This presents creates a paradox. We are curious about the very things we fear, and most people handle their fears by avoiding them. But this is precisely the wrong thing to do. Our fears are a gateway to a deeper understanding of ourselves for ultimate self betterment.

The important thing is to recognize is our very own deepest insecurities are a sign of where we find value fulfillment. We wish to define ourselves not by our lacks but by the positive area of our curious interest in personal development. We must learn to love that quality of our inbuilt desire for personal advancement rather than live out of fear trying to supplicate our feeling of lack.

This requires emotionally relating to the self in a new way. Being curious about your own insecurities is a most challenging task because it requires great emotional strength and perseverance to progress through them. Genuine success is dictated by emotional mastery such that no uncomfortable nagging feelings or compulsions are left. And that future issues can be quickly and confidently overcome.

The practical material result in the end may be the same but the motivation will be fundamentally different. This requires a subtle emotional shift within ourselves, a recognition that we enjoy and get tremendous value fulfillment from building ourselves up.

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samuel farrand - green abstract